You’d think that after completing two internships, I would start my next one with a new sense of fortitude and confidence — or at the very least you would think that I wouldn’t be nervous. But, three days before my internship starts I’ve found myself anxiously looking through my clothes to find a first day outfit that looks professional, but fits with their casual company setting. Well, I guess I should take a few steps back here — I’ll be entering my third internship this week, a Content Marketing Internship at Quinlan & Co., an advertising and branding agency in Amherst, NY. Even though I believe that my heart is in nonprofit work, I entered the Communications department at Canisius with a Mad Men mentality and saw myself working for a large advertising agency in a big city. I knew that if I walked out on graduation day knowing that I never explored the option of an agency, I would also look back and wonder about the what if’s. So, here I am.
Other than being nervous about looking the part, being liked by my coworkers, and fitting in with the company culture, I’m extremely worried about not performing well. In my eyes, there’s nothing worse than having a company praise me for my resume and experience…all that means is that they have heightened expectations for me. The higher the expectations, the further I can fall. The only thing scarier than me failing, is the thought that I might actually like working for an agency. I’m a year from graduation and my type-A personality has my entire 5 year plan dependent on me working for a nonprofit. But what if that’s not what I want and I fall in love with agency life? I don’t know if I can handle having everything be shaken up on me this close to graduation.
Of course, all these feelings are just old anxieties creeping back up on me again. All I can do is work hard and take my internship week by week. Until then, I’ll be panicking over what blouse to wear Friday.
Talk to you soon.
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